Again
by lilypotterformerlyevans
Summary: Lily Evans has just been appointed as a Healer for Puddlemere United, England’s top professional Quidditch team and home to star chaser James Potter. James couldn’t be happier; until he finds out she’s already taken….
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Lily Evans has just been appointed as a Healer for Puddlemere United England's top professional Quidditch team and home to star chaser James Potter. James couldn't be happier; until he finds out she's already taken….

Lily Evans sat in the manager's office as she waited for her first meeting. Her nerves showed only through her constant smoothing down of her deep auburn hair. It was her first day as head Healer for Puddlemere United, she had been in St. Mungo's elite training program for 3 years and had finished top of her year but she grew tired of the competitiveness and was hoping this job would be more relaxed and would help her reignite her passion for the game she once played so brilliantly. She turned her head when the door to the office opened and smiled as David O'Sullivan walked in to begin her initiation into a new life.

James Potter was stuck in a daydream as he effortlessly circled the pitch for warm down after what had been an intense training session. His jet black hair blown back in the breeze and his hazel eyes glassed over as his mind wandered to the night he had planned out with fellow Marauders Remus Lupin and Sirius Black and two of his team mates Jack Berney and Travis Neil. A smile crept onto his face as he pictured the fun he hoped to get up to that night. Bye weeks were always fun. As he descended onto the velvety grass and walked to the change rooms he caught a glimpse of dazzling auburn hair from up in the offices of the stadium. 'There's no way' he thought to himself and shook it off, putting it down to exhaustion from the training. Nevertheless, his heart lifted ever so slightly as he thought back to his days at Hogwarts, with the only girl he had ever truly respected and loved (except his mother of course).

Lily left the meeting happy, her new job would start tomorrow and from the look of the schedule, she would find it much easier than at the hospital. As she scanned through the playing roster to get a better understanding of each players medical history she saw him, James. She knew what she had agreed to when she took the offer and who she would be working with but still, seeing his face after such a long time still made her uneasy. 'Stop it' she thought to herself 'that's not you anymore; you've changed – besides you've seen him in the magazines, always out with a new girl on his arm, he's not good for you. Plus there's Porter'. Lily smiled to herself as she pictured Porter in her mind, his perfect blondy brown hair and startling light blue eyes. They had been together for over a year now and Porter's new signing with the Wimbourne Wasps as a chaser had made him very popular with both male and female fans. Despite her delighted smile as she thought of this, Lily's mid couldn't help but wander back to James as she imagined what it would be like when the two of them met on the pitch and she shuddered. As she wandered through the halls of her new office she slowly took in everything, the countless team photos and trophies as well as the excited chatter coming from all the offices. For the first time in a while, her job made her smile.

After showering and changing into a fresh pair of tracksuit pants and a white singlet (and a few harmless pranks on the new team members) James packed his gear back into his locker and left the change room. As he searched his bag for his wand he crashed into someone when he walked into the main hallway, the contents of his bag and papers scattered around the floor.

"I'm so sorry I was distracted" said Lily and when the voice hit James' ear he stopped gathering his things and looked up, there it was, the same dazzling wavy auburn hair he stared at for hours and the emerald eyes that he so often found himself lost in.

"Lily…" was the only thing he could think of at the moment and it was all he could say.

"Hello James" she replied looking down at him as he handed her the contents of her briefcase.

"What are you doing here?" he asked finally managing to stop looking at the way her shirt and skirt hugged her slim and perfect figure.

"I work here now. I'm the new Healer."

His mouth formed an o but no sound came out, he just kept looking between her eyes and her lips. Lily became increasingly flustered and blurted out

"I have a boyfriend!" both their eyes widened as soon as she said it.

"Congratulations" said James expertly hiding his disgust that someone else was able to look at her whenever he wanted, able to touch her, make her laugh. It made him want to be sick and so he attempted to stop thinking about it.

"Thanks. Sorry I didn't mean to blurt it"

"Who is he?" James interrupted her, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Porter Howe, you probably know him he plays"

"Chaser for the Wimbourne Wasps" James mumbled cutting her off again.

"Well I'll see you 'round Lily, I promised Sirius I'd meet him after practice" said James not daring enough to look her in the eyes as began to walk past her.

"It was good seeing you again James" said Lily as she stroked his arm as he walked past, instantly regretting it as he continued to walk without a further word.

As soon as Lily walked into her apartment after apparatting from the stadium she sunk onto her couch and groan as she covered her face with her hands.

"It's only your first day and he's affecting you. Pull it together" she said softly to herself. She made a promise to herself to get James back as a friend so it wouldn't be awkward as so she could stop worrying about him meeting Porter. 'Everything will be fine, he doesn't feel anything for you and you feel nothing for him' said a voice in her head but another one answered 'Please! Did you see his face after you told him, he was crushed' – 'Who cares!' said another one 'Did you see his body!"

Lily sighed, "I'm going insane". She went to go start making dinner so it would be ready by the time Porter got home. The smile her job had brought her only minutes before had now turned to a dazed look as she contemplated how she would deal with having to see James everyday, and how much harder it would be if he still genuinely cared for her.

A/N – Hey guys, this is the first chapter of my first fanfic ever! I've been reading for a while and James/Lily is my absolute favourite. Let me know what you think (whatever you think) and if you have any suggestions please just let me know.


	2. Heat

Lily woke up to the screeching sound of her alarm. She hit the off button harder than she should off and as she rolled out of Porter's arms she walked to the bathroom rubbing her hand. She turned on the shower and brushed her teeth before stepping into the hot water. It was barely a minute before Porter came into the bathroom. They stared at each other before breaking into a simultaneous smile. Lily turned off the water and walked over to him, still dripping wet and captured his lips in a deep kiss.

"I'd be trying a lot harder if it wasn't my first day" she said in a soft, husky voice before wrapping a small towel around her creamy skin. Porter shuddered and after watching her walk away stepped into a slightly colder shower.

James got up and started packing his gear, his head slightly throbbing from the night before….

Anger built up inside him as he walked away from her. He didn't know why he was angry, he had no right to be but after thinking it through on his way outside he decided that it may have been because he hadn't truly given up on the idea of he and Lily being together one day. He shook his head and decided that he would make himself give up on that dream, after all – she had.

After taking his daily recharge sleep in the afternoon James showered and looked through his wardrobe for something to wear. He eventually decided on black pants and a blue shirt on which he left a couple of buttons undone. He stole a glance at himself in the mirror and after a quick adjustment to his hair (which undid itself in seconds) he felt he looked good – not quite the shaggable good he was aiming for but still a decent attempt. He poured himself a drink and waited for Sirius and Remus to turn up so he could leave for Soho, the newest and best wizarding club in all of London.

He eventually heard voices outside which sounded all too familiar…

"But Moony how was I supposed to know she batted for the other team – all signs pointed to shagfest!" argued Sirius as he let himself in. Remus just sighed and nodded hello to James who rolled his eyes at his best friends.

"Ready to party James?!" Sirius asked almost shouting at James despite the fact they were only two meters apart from each other.

"Like you wouldn't believe. Anything to get my mind off Evans." James replied, not realizing the look of shock on their faces until he turned at his front door waiting for them

"What?" he asked

"Have we gone back in time Padfoot? I just got a sense of déjà vu from our _entire_ career at Hogwarts" said Remus, piling on the sarcasm.

"I don't think so Moony, Prongs must have just made a mistake, he hasn't seen Evans in over a year, have you Prongsy?" said Sirius hunting for more information.

"Not that it's any of your business but she's working at United as the new healer" James answered as they all stepped out the door. Even through their apparition, Sirius and Remus kept hounding James with questions.

"So do you still have feelings for her?"

"How did she look? Still the sexy Evans I remember?"

"Does she still have feelings for you?"

"Did you jump her?" Which promptly earned Sirius a smack around the head from both James and Remus.

"What? It's a legitimate question" said Sirius as they continued walking. They met Jack and Travis outside Unicorn and had no trouble getting in. Soon the constant questioning from Sirius caused intrigue from Jack and Travis and James was being attacked with questions from every direction.

"I'll tell you what happened" said Remus "I'll be more impartial" he added to James.

"It started back at Hogwarts, James had a huge crush on this girl in our year, Lily – very pretty, wavy red hair and these amazing green eyes. Problem is, she didn't really have the same feelings for James."

"That's a bit of understatement" Sirius added.

"James paid too much attention to her for her liking and they got into fights quite often, not actual fights" he added quickly, seeing the looks on Travis and Jack's faces "just arguments. This went on for five years. James would get so jealous when any other guy so much as looked at her, it was a little sad but she started to come round in sixth year. They became friends, James stopped stalking her as obviously and they grew closer. When they both got head boy and girl in our last year I thought for sure something would happen but it didn't. I guess she's the one who got away…" said Remus finishing.

"Done now?" asked James and when Remus nodded he continued "good because you left out some stuff" said James.

"Something did happen, we slept together. _A lot_. Usually a few times a week but she wouldn't let me in; it was this amazing, mind-blowing sex but it never became more and every time I asked her why we couldn't really be together she'd changed the subject or distract me with more sex, not that I was complaining at the time. I just never understood what her deal was" said James with a sigh.

"Who would've though Lily Evans was such a minx" said Sirius, which earned him a disapproving look from Remus.

"Hang on" said Travis "Lily Evans? As in the new healer for our club, Lily Evans?"

"Yeah" said James whose recount of the story made him increasingly depressed.

"That's got to suck mate" said Jack "tell you what, let's get you good and plastered. We can forget all about her, and hopefully in the morning you'll have a lady finer than her in your bed" he said with a cheeky smile which James mirrored and soon enough the drinks were flowing.

The boys talked and laughed and every so often, Sirius, Jack and Travis would disappear and not return for lengthy periods of time and when they finally did, their hair would even more misshapen than it was before.

"Alright" said James "I think it's my turn for some fun" he got up and could feel the tingle in his body from the alcohol and made his way onto the dancefloor. Then he spotted her, Clarissa Hyde, the girl he went out with at the end of seventh year when he finally gave up on Lily.

"Hey stranger" he said as he came up behind her. It went from there, at first they were catching up on old times but as they continued to drink, they moved closer to each other and the "accidental" touching increased. The next thing James could remember he was slamming her into a wall with his lips. There were hands everywhere, his and hers and flashes of light. Then all he could remember was feeling unsure about it and pulling away, leaving her without an explanation.

The next he remembered was waking up with a slight headache which he quickly cured with a hangover potion. He got ready for training and had a quick shower and breakfast. He scanned through the paper and when the Witch Weekly fell out onto his kitchen counter his headache returned. There on the front page were he and Clarissa, bodies entangled and lips crashing onto each other. He rolled his eyes but a thought came to him that made his headache go away, what if Lily saw it and it made her think he was over her? Or better yet, made her jealous…

As Lily arrived at work she saw the magazine on a table in one of the waiting rooms. She shook her head.

"He's doing it all over again" she thought to herself "just like seventh year". She walked to her office unable to remove the image from her mind. As she changed in a pair of United training pants, her joggers and a white t-shirt that hugged her body and showed some of her slim and toned stomach she was filled with unexplained anger towards James, which didn't leave her as she walked down to the pitch.

When James arrived on the pitch Lily was helping the rest of his team warm up using a combination of routine stretching and charm work to loosen and heat the muscles. When it was his turn Lily gave him a smile that he swore she had given him before but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Nice night?" she asked with a bitter tone.

"Fine thanks" he replied, not giving in to her obvious anger.

"Clarissa Hyde. Must have been a nice bit of nostalgia for you" she added as she cast the heating charm on him a little too hard causing him discomfort which he never showed.

"We don't all have a Porter Howe to keep our beds warm every night" he added snidely.

"Excuse me?" said Lily raising her voice significantly but the rest of the team were several meters away so no-one paid attention, "as I recall I kept your bed warm almost every night in seventh year and you showed your respect and admiration for me by screwing Clarissa!" she said, adding disdain as she said her name, her face growing red as it always did when she grew angry.

"Maybe if you gave me more than sex I wouldn't have!" he replied with just as much heat. She gave him a hard push which made him stumble back several feet and before he could question the matter anymore, he was being called over for warm-up laps. Although neither of them knew, they both gave an angry groan followed by a sigh at exactly the same time, neither of them wanting to show the other just what they were doing to them.


	3. Pesky Memories

Lily watched as the team ran through their drills. They were good, very good in fact. She tried to avoid looking at James who was clearly one of their best players and it seemed as though he was trying to get her attention. Every once in a while he'd pull off a spectacular but unnecessary move which earned him looks of amazement from everyone but his coach who just rolled his eyes. Lily took some satisfaction in knowing James was trying to impress her. She then hit herself mentally _'what are you thinking? You shouldn't enjoy the fact that he wants you. You have Porter, James is so wrong for you. So wrong that it's right? NO!!! He does look good though.'_ Lily just groaned and put her head in her hands, and once the arguing in her head stopped, she was left with one lingering thought, that even though they may never have worked on an emotional level, when it came to being in bed together, the experiences she had with James had been unmatched, their bodies fitted together, it was a shame their personalities couldn't.

After James pulled off a tricky spiraling loop he stole a glance at Lily, who had her face buried in her hands, in the split second he lost concentration, a bludger came flying from across the field and before James could react his arm was in excruciating pain and he was falling to the ground as he blacked out…

When he came too he shot up from the bed he was lying in only to hear a scream and a lot of clanging. As he looked around he realised Lily had dropped everything she was carrying and he quickly got up to help her.

"Lily, I'm sorry I didn't mean to.." he started but was cut off.

"Don't!" she screamed as he got out of the bed "your arm isn't ready yet" she added in an almost inaudible whisper. He looked down and saw his entire right arm was heavily bandaged.

"Damnit" he muttered as he climbed back into bed and Lily helped him get settled again. "How long will it take?" he asked dejectedly, he had done this a few times before and knew it meant at least a few weeks on the sideline.

"I'm hoping you'll be fine for Saturday's game against the Arrows" she said as she waved her wand and numbers and notes appeared on the chart she was holding.

"Are you serious?! But it usually takes like a month when I do this!" he said, hope and glee flooding onto his face.

"What can I say? I'm amazing, I know" said Lily absent mindedly as she continued to run silently cast tests on him.

"You can say that again" he said giving her a small smile which she eventually returned. She had changed out of her training gear and was now in a business shirt and pants with a healer's coat over the top, James couldn't help but steal a glance down her top as she bent over him to prop his pillow up more.

"You should be able to move it again within the hour and then I've got you down for therapy and strength sessions until Thursday, hopefully you'll be able to work in the tactics session the team has that afternoon and the Friday" she said it as though she had recited it already to dozens of people and she probably had thought James. As she continued to concentrate on her work she lost concentration when she felt James' rough, warm hand on her arm. She looked from her notes, to the hand and then to James with a questioning look on her face.

"Thank you" he said before smiling the same huge smile he always did when he was truly happy. She had seen it every morning they woke up next to each other in seventh year.

_The sun was peeking through the curtains of James' private dorm and they both awoke when the light hit their faces and the clean white sheets they were tangled in. Lily opened her eyes slowly and as they adjusted to the light she rolled over and saw James' hazel eyes which were slightly greener today, staring straight back at her. He took her in, she truly was gorgeous, her hair was slightly messy but it made her look sexy and her features, to him looked better without make-up on. For a red head, she had an uncanny ability to tan and her golden skin caught the light coming through the curtains and it made her body look even more amazingly perfect to James' eyes._

"_Hey" she said in a soft husky voice with a small smile on her face._

"_Hey yourself" he said before stretching out and wrapping an arm around her. She smiled and wrapped her own arm around his stomach._

"_Last night was amazing" she said looking at him as he put his glasses back on._

"_Yeah, it really was" he replied with a lopsided grin._

_They both took a second and thought back to the night before, all the passion and intensity, the sweat of their bodies, the multiple times and positions. It had been one of their best nights and had left them both content and exhausted._

_After they shook themselves out of their thoughts, Lily stole a glance at the time and wished she hadn't._

"_You'd better get up, you have your warm-up in an hour" she said running a hand through his jungle of hair. James groaned in response and after a few stolen kisses he very reluctantly got up and went for the shower._ _When he returned she was sitting up in bed reading the Prophet._

"_Are you going to come to the game?" he asked going to his dresser and pulling out his quidditch robes._

"_I guess so" she said absently as she was concentrating on the paper in front of her._

"_You guess so?" he asked, a little anger slipping into his tone._

"_What?" she asked picking up on it straight away, like she always did, which may have been the reason they fought so much._

"_Why don't you care about anything I do outside of this bedroom?" he asked pulling on his robes._

"_James please we've been through this, it's not that I don't care I just don't want to"_

"_Make a big deal out of this" he said finishing her sentence for her "Lily, I'm tired of this; I never know where I stand, I'm afraid to show you any affection in case it makes you angry. What we've been doing is amazing but I've changed, I need more than this" he said as he pulled on his socks and shoes and looked at her pleadingly._

"_I'm just…I don't……" she struggled to find a way of explaining it to him because if she was being completely honest with herself, she didn't understand what she was doing._

"_You know what? Nevermind. I have to go. Don't be in here when I come back" he said, the last of his words making her flinch as he slammed all the doors shut on his way out. She sat there, no tears fell - she was too deep in her own thoughts to cry. As she thought everything through, she finally realised how stupid she had been. She had been afraid of James pushing her into things when it had been her who made the first move most times, she was afraid James wouldn't be loyal to her and yet despite not really being with Lily he hadn't so much as looked at another girl this entire year. She was afraid of what his family would think of her blood and realised that James didn't care and so why would his parents? She answered all the doubts that kept swirling in her head and realised that she needed to get down to the Quidditch pitch._

_The game had been going for an hour and a half before Lily began walking down to the pitch. She could see the swirls of red and green darting about the pitch. The grounds were deserted as it seemed the entire school had come to watch the final of the inter-house cup. Just as she was barely a hundred meters away from the stadium, she heard eruptions and shouting which told her Gryffindor had won. It seemed too perfect and she ran onto the pitch looking for James. There were hundreds of students everywhere and she looked around frantically for him. Then she saw a mess of black hair and the name Potter on the back of red robes and walked quickly in his direction. As she got closer though, her happiness turned to unspeakable pain as she saw James' arms and lips wrapped around Christine. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at them. James had no idea she was there and after what seemed an eternity she slowly turned her back on him. For good._

"Lily?...Lily??" she came back to the present with a slight jump but immediately went back to her tests.

"You're welcome. Sorry about before, on the pitch during warm-up" she said, not looking at him but being sincere.

"It's ok. I'm sorry too" he replied trying to get in her line of sight to look at her properly.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for though. I just haven't seen you since back then and I guess seeing you made me think that we still had the same arrangement which I know is ridiculous but still…" she continued to ramble until James cut her off.

"It's ok. I understand, and I guess the fact that it was Christine didn't really help matters…" he said with an attempt at a smile.

"I guess not" she said finishing the last of her notes. She looked at James's bandages and they disappeared. He looked at her in shock.

"When did you learn wandless magic?" he asked, thinking he, Remus and Sirius were the only ones their age who had managed the extremely complicated task.

"At the end of seventh year. Try and move your arm now. Just up and down and very slowly. Stop if you feel any hint of discomfort or pain" she said watching him intently.

He moved his arm, expecting to feel discomfort right away but he didn't. He moved his arm with ease and as he tried new rotations he felt no pain or hint of his arm having ever been injured.

"Lily its perfect" he said with a huge grin as he continued to move his arm and as he clenched his fingers he looked down in amazement "you fixed it" he said looking straight at her. She smiled at his reaction to being able to move the ring and pinkie fingers on his right hand.

"I read your file and saw that you hadn't been able to move them for a year and a half and thought that since I was in that area anyway I'd give it a go" she said as she took his arm and ran it through the motions double checking for any sign of damage but found nothing.

"You're an amazing witch Lily. I've had some of the best healers in the world try to fix it but it never worked. This is going to improve my shooting so much. I can't thank you enough" he said as her face was brought closer to his by her moving his arm. She looked at him, the gap between them closing ever so slowly.

"I was just doing my job" she said in a whisper before their lips met….


	4. Ice and Unexpected Visitors

"_You're an amazing witch Lily. I've had some of the best healers in the world try to fix it but it never worked. This is going to improve my shooting so much. I can't thank you enough" he said as her face was brought closer to his by her moving his arm. She looked at him, the gap between them closing ever so slowly._

"_I was just doing my job" she said in a whisper before their lips met…._

Before Lily could realise what had happened, she was on top of James and their kissing had gotten intense and several of her buttons had been undone. The thought of Porter flashed through her mind and she jumped off the bed but got tangled in one of the drips attached to James, which caused her to hit the floor hard and James to be in a large amount of discomfort.

"FUCK!!" they both yelled at the same time. Lily got back onto her feet looking flustered, her hair and her outfit considerably disheveled. Noticing what she had done she quick reattached the drip with a wave of her wand but deliberately twisted it at the last second giving James a sharp stab.

"What the hell?!" he shouted at her. Lily gave him an infuriated glare before turning towards the door only to be hit in the back of the head with ice from James' food tray. She turned around with a look of rage only James could inspire in her.

"Oh no you did not!" she said before casting a silent pins and needles charm on James' special area.

"Bitch!" he said instantly recognising one of her self-invented spells. He quickly cast the counter-curse before looking at her with disgust. They held their respective looks of resentment before simultaneously giving up; knowing that with their stubbornness a fight like this was pointless.

"Look, this was stupid" said Lily as she fixed her appearance with a wave of her wand.

"Yeah, we just know how to annoy each other. Sorry" said James as he rubbed his arm where the drip had been twisted.

"I was talking about the kiss as well James" Lily told him as she came and fixed his arm.

"What?" he asked dejectedly.

"You know I have a boyfriend James, I shouldn't be kissing anyone, especially you" she said looking him in the eye to really make her point clear.

"What do you mean especially me?" he asked, pressing the matter further.

"What kind of a question is that? Because I have a history with you, a very complicated one that he knows about and is very worried by the fact that we now work together!" she said as her anger began to rise again but James was no stranger to her temper, nor was he one to back down from it.

"You're the one who made it complicated! It could've been the simplest thing in the world but your stupid pride got in the way" he said, voicing his opinions from over three years ago.

"My pride?! If you had been patient with me instead of fucking Clarissa the second we were over you would've realised that I did want something with you and I still did until the second I met Porter. You lost James. Deal with it" she said before leaving the room and slamming the door behind her.

Lily got home after seeing to some of the minor injuries of the other players. She was glad she and Porter weren't living together yet as she just really wanted some space to herself. She ran a very hot bath and breathed a sigh of relief as she immersed herself in the steaming water and was able to briefly forget about everything. She felt the stress and tension leaving her muscles and just lay there as the sun began to sink below the roofs of the buildings on the horizon. Once the sun had completely disappeared and Lily had turned into a prune she decided to get out of the bath. She wrapped herself up in a towel and went to her bedroom to change into some lounging around clothes. As she was pulling on her grey sweat pants Lily heard a footsteps coming from the lounge room.

Instead of panicking as many would in her situation, she calmly reached for her wand and cast a strong shield spell over herself before stepping out into the hallway quietly and making her way down to the lounge room, taking care not to reveal her presence to the intruder. She reached the end of the hallway and took a deep breath before jumping out into the lounge room and firing a stunning spell at the person in her house who luckily had their back turned on her. She approached the motionless body with her shield still up and her wand at the ready. She cast a silent charm to turn them over so she could see their face and was surprised to see Remus Lupin's tattered but handsome face looking up at her. She cast the reviving charm and Remus shot up from where he lay frozen before gasping for air, her stunning spell having winded him.

"I am so sorry Remus!" she said offering him water which he gladly accepted. She fused over him until she was certain he was ok. They broke into identical grins at the situation before holding each other in a long and hard hug.

"Tea?" she asked leading him into the kitchen.

"Please. Milk but no sugar" he said sitting at the bench.

"I remember" she said smiling at him "you haven't changed. You're just a little thinner, something I wouldn't mind a little of over this way!" she said getting their teas and joining him at the kitchen bench.

"Oh please. You haven't changed either. You still have the same greeting skills and you still look fabulous in whatever you're wearing" he said cheekily as she blushed at the worn out state of her house clothes.

"Well to be fair I wasn't expecting company! Let me guess? James sent you" she said taking a sip from her cup.

"James spoke to me but I am here of my own accord. It's been a bit too long since we spoke so I thought I'd show up as a surprise but I forgot there's no surprising Lily Evans" he said also taking a sip. She smiled into her cup and took a long look at him, he wasn't just thinner, he'd aged a lot as a consequence of the many full moons between now and when she last saw him but he seemed to be in good spirits which made Lily happy, if anyone deserved it he did.

"So James told you what happened I'm assuming?" she said before refilling their glasses. Remus nodded waiting for her to say something but she seemed to be struggling to put her thoughts into words.

"Confused? Frustrated? Suicidal?" he prompted, his last suggestion earning him a smile from Lily.

"All of the above" she said sarcastically, "I know it was wrong and it felt wrong when I realised what I was doing but it's the fact that I let him get to me after such a short amount of time that's the most annoying part. It makes me feel weak" she said as they made their way to her lounge.

"You're not weak Lily, far from it. You two have a complicated past, I found out just how complicated the other night from James" he said with a cheeky smile making Lily blush, "what happened? James supplied an obviously biased interpretation – as he always does" he asked her with the intention of getting to the bottom of this. Lily sighed before launching into the story she had only ever fully told Alice and Marlene, both of whom had been involved in a top secret auror mission for the past two months, leaving Lily with very little places to source advice from. And so she spilt the beans to Remus about the day of the quidditch final in their last year and watch his face fill with sympathy as she finished the story.

"Wow. I had no idea, I just thought you got cold feet and James gave it up" he said placing his hand on her knee in a friendly gesture as she shook her head.

"He told me you have a boyfriend" he stated in an attempt to change the subject.

"Porter Howe he's.."

"The new chaser for the Wimbourne Wasps" finished Remus "that's great Lily. What's he like?" he asked, trying to hide the fact that this was a question that came from James.

"He's fantastic. He's just this really down to earth guy, he's smart, and not just for a quidditch player. He's sweet and dependable he's just, it's easy with him but sometimes" she struggled to find the right words

"You want it to be hard?" Remus offered.

"Yes! But that sounds crazy. I've made it a year without any problems but as soon as James comes into the picture I start questioning it all" she said looking to the ground in confusion and frustration.

"It's ok Lily. I mean let's face it, you and James have a lot of things unsaid between you two and it's going to take some time to sort it out" he said comfortingly.

"I realise that but it's only been a day Remus and I've already kissed him and had a fight with him!" she said exasperatedly. Remus had no answer for this. Instead he asked a question she knew Alice and Marlene would've asked right after she told them she kissed James.

"Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Of course it does! But I can't go back there Remus. I just can't" she said standing up and taking their empty cups into the kitchen before coming and sitting back down on the lounge.

"It's ok to be scared Lily, but believe me when I say that James has changed, even more than sixth and seventh year and it wouldn't be as scary a thought if you got to know him again but from what you've told me, I can imagine Al and Marly telling you that you're not being fair to yourself, Porter or James at this point" and with his final words Remus bade Lily a silent goodbye and left her house through the same fireplace he arrived through.

Lily just sat there perfectly sit but her mind racing on what to do and what to say to the two most important men in her life who, when looking at it were very different and it was up to her to choose what she wanted and who she wanted it with…


	5. Healing

Not more than a second after Remus had left her apartment did another body appear through her fireplace. Instead of seeing Remus' worn face she was greeted by Porter's unblemished and grinning one.

"Hey" he said in his low, husky voice before walking over to Lily and kissing her lightly on the mouth and sitting down next to her.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" she asked, it wasn't that she didn't want him there she was just very confused at the moment but she was still feeling lonely, despite the fact that she had two guys after her. Lily didn't like being alone and had made a habit of keeping boyfriends ever since she left Hogwarts.

"I was just at home and I missed you so I thought I'd come say hi" he said with his schoolboy grin that made Lily sigh.

"I missed you too" she said taking his arms and wrapping them around her as she laid back into him.

"So how was your first day?" he asked while gently stroking her thigh.

"Eventful" she said as she became comfortable and watched the rain begin to fall making her instinctively close the window with a twitch of her eye. Porter smiled at how skilled she was before continuing with their conversation.

"Yeah? Mine wasn't much better, training was hard…and long and I just wanted to leave and come and see you" he said playing with her hair. Lily didn't say anything, all she could think about was Porter walking in on her and James as they were kissing and it made her shudder.

"Are you alright?" asked Porter.

"Fine" Lily replied in a very soft voice. And before she thought twice about it she had spun around so she was straddling Porter between her legs and crushing her lips down on his. Porter took very little time playing catch up and was soon pushing back on Lily's lips with a lot of force that Lily was more than capable of matching. If there was one thing Porter did well it was kiss, he kissed like every girl wished a guy would kiss, not too much tongue and he knew when to kiss hard and when to kiss softly and he did both very well. Before Lily knew what was happening Porter had cupped her bottom with his hands and lifted them both off the couch with the strength one could only expect from a professional quidditch player. Lily laughed into his kiss as she wrapped her hands around his neck, her fingers entwining in his soft dirty blond hair. Porter kept kissing her expertly as he walked them to Lily's bedroom, never struggling given her petite frame and his strength. Knowing she liked to be on top and that he enjoyed it just as much as she did, he laid down first pulling her down after him. Lily felt guilty, like she owed something to Porter and so she did everything she knew he'd want and more, not that she was complaining, hearing him say her name like that made her very smug with herself and she got some benefits out of it too…

Despite their amazing sex session, as Lily lay in her crisp warm sheets while Porter got ready to leave, she still couldn't escape the feeling in her stomach that she was doing something wrong. But she couldn't figure out if it was because she had kissed James or because she had kissed Porter. She looked up from her cocoon of sheets and watched Porter walk around her room in just pants picking up all the things he'd left here over the past few weeks. A smile crept across her face as she thought of how cute he was worrying about leaving something behind. He looked over at her and stood still for a moment.

"You're absolutely gorgeous" he said with a huge smile before shaking his head and getting back to looking for stuff.

"Your watch is on the dresser" she Lily with a knowing smile which he returned and then put the watch in his bag.

"I think that's everything, I don't think there's enough room for you sorry…" he said zipping up his bag and sitting on the edge of the bed. Lily responded with a playful pout which turned to a look of melancholy.

"What's wrong Lily? I know there's something, why can't you tell me?" he asked putting a supportive hand on the duvet covering her leg.

"Because you'll hate me and I don't think I could handle that" Lily blurted out with utmost honesty. Porter stiffened at her admission and his expression turned notably sourer.

"Potter?" he asked, assuming the worst. Lily nodded slowly and he groaned before getting up and grabbing his bag.

"Porter please, it was just a kiss. I'm just confused, please don't leave like this" she pleaded from under the covers, an expression coming onto her face that very few people could walk away from. Porter stopped and gathered himself,

"Lily, if you're confused after a day then I think it's pretty clear what's going on…" he said in a very calm voice, looking directly at her.

"It's not like that Porter, please. James has just made me realise that I still don't entirely know what I want" she said into her lap, too ashamed to look at him.

"Jesus Lily, we've been together for over a year and he comes back into your life for a day? Do I not get any recognition for the fact that I've been by your side this entire time? That I haven't had any indiscretions? That I love you?!" he said growing more frustrated as he continued to talk and Lily grew increasingly silent and ashamed. He felt a twinge of sympathy and came to her side, cupping her face and gently forcing her to look at him.

"Well I'll give you the space you need to figure it out but if someone else comes along, don't expect me to wait" he said in a very serious and almost threatening tone but Lily completely understood where he was coming from and nodded in agreement and when she looked up again, Porter and his bag were gone and Lily was left feeling very alone again.

She managed to fall asleep and was woken up by the sun in the morning as it hit her face; she got out of bed groggily and went to the bathroom. When she came out and got dressed for work, no one would've known that she had any problems, her hair was soft and silky and it hung in loose waves down her back, her white collared shirt and pants hugged her figure and made her look very professional. She put on some mascara and lip gloss before grabbing her stuff and apparating to the stadium. Despite her immaculate appearance, she was not looking forward to today; she would be working with James in the morning to get the strength back in his arm in time for their game on Saturday against the Arrows, assessing players in the development squad with David and James over lunch and then working with James again in the afternoon. She went to her office to fill in some paper work first before heading up to the gym to meet James.

When she walked in, James was already in there doing stretches and warming up. He was wearing shorts and a singlet that you could see his abs through and showed off the muscles in his arms.

"You're early" she said walking over to him and taking a heavy bag off her shoulders and dumping it on the ground with a huge thud that made James' eyes widen before he continued stretching.

"Thought I'd warm up before you got here so we could get straight into it" he said whilst changing positions.

"I don't think you really understand the purpose of what I'm doing with you, you're starting off small, very small and building yourself up, I'm not going to be pushing you very hard, you've essentially got a new arm and hand and you can't go into it a hundred miles an hour, it's got to be slow" she said pulling things out of the bag as James looked at her curiously. Lily pulled out a two kilo bar bell and handed it to James who laughed.

"You're kidding right?" he asked and Lily shook her head with all seriousness, a fake smile on her face.

"Fifty curls and lifts, then you can move up to five kilos" and she took a seat on one of the leg presses and made some weights appear on it. She started pushing and looked over at James who was in awe of how much she was pushing and with such ease.

"Well come on, we don't have all day" she said and James snapped out of it and began.

After he started Lily looked over and saw that he was going too fast, she came over and put her hand on his,

"Slow down, we're trying to make it stronger, not worse than it already was" she said as she set him a steady pace, she sat down on one of the gym balls and watched him, making sure he was doing it properly. James eventually worked his way to 10 kilos though neither of them had said anything to each other during that time. Eventually Lily, who was getting bored, broke the silence.

"So… Remus came over yesterday" she offered as an attempt to start a conversation.

"Yeah? What for?" he asked not looking at her but at the weight in his hand.

"Just to talk I guess, he could've given me some warning though, I stunned him pretty badly, thought he was someone who'd broken in" she said now lying across two gym balls but managing to keep her balance perfectly. James stopped lifting and looked at her and then broke into a smile.

"Your hospitality skills have clearly grown since Hogwarts" he said cheekily. Lily laughed which caused her to lose her balance and roll off the balls and onto the floor.

Lily groaned from the floor and James did nothing but shake his head.

"And clearly your coordination has markedly improved" he said with all seriousness.

"Coordinate this" said Lily sticking up her finger in a playful manner. James merely smirked and charmed the weights to become heavier again.

"Last interval, then some throwing and who knows… I may even join you" Lily said walking over to a rack on the glass wall overlooking the stadium and picking up two quaffles.

"You? You haven't picked up a quaffle since you injured yourself in sixth year" said James with a look of slight shock on his face which Lily returned with a smug smile.

"I was better than you then and I doubt you've improved much" she said but in a light-hearted manner.

"Sounds like a bet to me" said James as he finished up with his weights and walked over to Lily.

"Terms?" she asked taking out her wand and silently changing her clothes into a black sports bra and leggings which showed off the slight darkness of her skin very well. James placed an intricate charm on the wall that transformed it into a virtual set of quidditch goals complete with a keeper hovering between them. Lily nodded her head in appreciation of his skill before raising her eyebrows to ask for the terms again.

"First to thirty goals. If I win, you have to have a drink with me after our session this afternoon." He said tossing the quaffle up and down with little effort.

"And if I win?" Lily asked as she picked up her quaffle and spun it on her finger.

"If you win? Well what do you want?" asked James raising an eyebrow. Lily's eyes met his and they were locked for several seconds before she was able to speak,

"If I win, you have to pay for an entire night out with everyone from Hogwarts. Food, drinks, everything" she said still locked in his gaze. He stepped forward to get closer to the middle of the artificial field.

"Won't Porter be a little jealous?" he said with a slight smugness creeping across his face.

"We're taking some time" Lily said finally looking away from him and James knew when not to push her further and this was one of those times.

"Ladies first…" he said giving her room. Once Lily had adjusted James' ball so that it was lighter and he wouldn't over work himself they began, each taking turns to shoot against the keeper who got progressively better. It became very competitive and with the scores locked at 28 each after an hour, James' arm was beginning to tire and Lily could tell she took her next shot and it just got past the keeper but as James stepped up to take his she returned the wall to its original state.

"Hey!" said James in protest.

"You're tired, if we keep going you'll risk hurting yourself again. Besides, we're running late for the juniors" she said before turning her clothes back to normal, James sighed inwardly already missing the sight of her very flat stomach.

"But then who wins?" he asked as they both walked to the door.

"We both do. I'll go out with you tonight and you can pay for everything on Saturday after you win" she said with a cheeky smile.

"Fine" said James putting on a façade of disappointment even though he was happier than he had been in a long time…


End file.
